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Thread: boyfriend doesn't want to spend new years eve with me?

  1. #1

    boyfriend doesn't want to spend new years eve with me?

    my boyfriend and i have been together for just over a year officially, but more like a year and a half (we are 23).
    we are currently long distance but i see him almost every other weekend when he drives to see me, and he plans to move to my city as soon as he finds a job.
    he talked about doing new years eve in new york with his friends, and i didn't have a problem with it because i was going to be far away with my family over christmas break.
    but it turns out he might be visiting me in my hometown from dec 26-dec30th.
    i mentioned that he could just stay for new years eve...and he doesn't seem to want to.

    he spent new years eve last year with the same friends in new york.
    one of them lives in asia, and he doesn't get to see him much. and one is in the military but he has seen him several times this year.

    i understand wanting to see your friends (esp. the ones that live very far away), but would you be upset that your boyfriend didn't want to stay with you for new years? i am pretty upset about it...am i just being crazy?


    edit- i just spent thanksgiving with his family. and i am in school (where his entire family lives) and he works and has a car, so that's why he always comes to see me. can't afford to go to new york.

  2. #2
    i'd be a bit bummed but not mad, esp cuz he's planning to spend the 4 days beforehand with you anyways. he's probably been looking forward to spending it with his pals.

  3. #3
    Bison Burger
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    I'd be mad if we already had plans and he ditched me to go out with his friends. But in this situation, I'd be bummed but not too upset. Guys need guy time. One friend he never sees, one friend (military) could easily be taken away. I'd want to spend time with them too.

    It's normal to be upset, but I wouldn't yell at him or try to make him feel bad. Make your own fun plans.
    "That which does not kill me, only postpones the inevitable."

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  4. #4
    I think its alright to feel a little bummed, but he already made those plans and seeing friends is important. I wouldn't have asked him to stay in the first place though if I knew he had plans, it seems pushy/rude to me.

  5. #5
    Yeah I'd be bummed but not mad. He's spending extra time with you before New Years so it's not like you guys haven't seen each other. Is this maybe a tradition or becoming a tradition with him and his friends? They don't see each other often anyway so maybe this is just the one thing they like to try to do together every year.

  6. #6
    He had plans with his friends, you were going to be gone anyway... It's not really fair for you to give him a hard time if he goes through with going to New York just because your plans changed. He'll be spending 4 straight days with you, let him have fun with his friends that he hardly gets to see.

  7. #7
    i guess i just thought that the only reason we weren't planning on spending it together was because we were far apart...but then when that problem went away i just assumed he would wanna be with me. almost all of his friends live in NY and he visits them a lot...the only difference is that the friend from asia, and MAYBE the military friend (not even a sure thing) will be there.

    i dunno, i guess i'm being a bit selfish. but i want my boyfriend to WANT to be with me on new years.

  8. #8
    I think you're being selfish if you try and stop him from going or you guilt trip him. I understand being bummed though. Why isn't he inviting you to come along to New York though?

  9. #9
    Yeah, like others I'd be bummed but not mad. He's making time to see you during the holidays which is pretty nice. I think it's fair that he wants to spend time with his friends too
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  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by alexithymia View Post
    I think you're being selfish if you try and stop him from going or you guilt trip him. I understand being bummed though. Why isn't he inviting you to come along to New York though?
    i don't want to try to stop him from going, but i think it's important that he knows it upset me. i could go to new york, but it really wouldn't make sense. i'm with his family in boston from dec 21st to the 23rd. then flying to texas to be with my family til jan. 6th. fitting a trip to new york from dallas when i'm only there for so little time anyway would be hard. and i really can't afford it financially.

    Quote Originally Posted by h8cats View Post
    It sounds like he makes a big effort to see you, so I wouldn't be mad about it. He probably would rather go out with his friends than sit at your house. It IS new years haha.
    we wouldn't be sitting at my house! we would go out and party and have fun!

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by full*house*love View Post
    i don't want to try to stop him from going, but i think it's important that he knows it upset me. i could go to new york, but it really wouldn't make sense. i'm with his family in boston from dec 21st to the 23rd. then flying to texas to be with my family til jan. 6th. fitting a trip to new york from dallas when i'm only there for so little time anyway would be hard. and i really can't afford it financially.



    we wouldn't be sitting at my house! we would go out and party and have fun!
    You could go to new york, but it doesn't 'make sense?' Sounds like you just don't want to go because it is inconvenient for you. If it was so important to spend new years with him, surely you could fit it in? It sounds like you aren't willing to compromise or do anything hard for you, you just want to get your way. He is taking time out of his schedule to see you for Christmas, if its that important to you to spend new years with him, then you can be inconvenienced to do it. Do you not think it would be hard for him to reschedule to be with you on new years when he already made plans to be in New York?

    Personally, I would be really embarrassed to admit that this was something that upset me.

  12. #12
    in a normal situation, i'd be pissed. but this is different. he's coming right before, so just do a pretend new years on the 30th!

  13. #13
    Jolly Bison Birdcage's Avatar
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    If its a long distance relationship I wouldn't be mad, it seems like that stuff would be complicated so I'd understand, though I might be a bit bummed.

    If he wasn't long distance though I'd be mad.

  14. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by popsicle.pirate View Post
    You could go to new york, but it doesn't 'make sense?' Sounds like you just don't want to go because it is inconvenient for you. If it was so important to spend new years with him, surely you could fit it in? It sounds like you aren't willing to compromise or do anything hard for you, you just want to get your way. He is taking time out of his schedule to see you for Christmas, if its that important to you to spend new years with him, then you can be inconvenienced to do it. Do you not think it would be hard for him to reschedule to be with you on new years when he already made plans to be in New York?

    Personally, I would be really embarrassed to admit that this was something that upset me.
    wow i guess we have really different views on relationships?

    would you really consider it "taking time out of his schedule" to visit me for christmas? like, shouldn't it be something he WANTS to do? if i could afford the $500 ticket to new york of course i would do it, but unfortunately that is not a realistic option.


    thanks for your advice everyone! i know i'm being stubborn

    i guess my whole point is that it would be super convenient and easy for him to be with me for new years, but he decided seeing his friends is more important to him. i either have to accept that or reconsider the relationship...

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by full*house*love View Post
    wow i guess we have really different views on relationships?

    would you really consider it "taking time out of his schedule" to visit me for christmas? like, shouldn't it be something he WANTS to do? if i could afford the $500 ticket to new york of course i would do it, but unfortunately that is not a realistic option.


    thanks for your advice everyone! i know i'm being stubborn

    i guess my whole point is that it would be super convenient and easy for him to be with me for new years, but he decided seeing his friends is more important to him. i either have to accept that or reconsider the relationship...
    Obviously it should be (presumably is) something he wants to do, but that doesn't mean it doesn't take time? I just think you are being selfish to want him to choose you over his friends in this particular situation, esp if you are going to tell him you are upset about it and try to guilt trip him into staying with you for new years.

    Just seems unhealthy imo

  16. #16
    dude his life does not revolve around visiting you. chill.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by full*house*love View Post
    i guess my whole point is that it would be super convenient and easy for him to be with me for new years, but he decided seeing his friends is more important to him. i either have to accept that or reconsider the relationship...
    You'd break up with him because he chose to spend time with friends who he doesn't get to see often right after spending time with you?...That to me is just mind-blowing...he's probably just trying to compromise. His friends want to see him too, he's trying to make everyone happy...
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  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by GTFO View Post
    dude his life does not revolve around visiting you. chill.
    This..

    When you are in a relationship, your life is not just your SO. He shouldn't drop his friends to be with you. Now, I see what you are saying, that it could be easier for him to just spend it with you. But he should also be able to spend time with his friends. Now you can tell him it upsets you, but don't make him feel bad for wanting to hang out with his friends. Also consider that you guys will be spending about a week together, he just won't be there for new years.
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  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by full*house*love View Post
    i don't want to try to stop him from going, but i think it's important that he knows it upset me.
    disagree. you're being unreasonable. sometimes when you're being unreasonable you should keep that shit to yourself at the risk of seeming crazy and controlling.

    i either have to accept that or reconsider the relationship...
    lol wow. you are such a brat.

  20. #20
    Honestly I don't think it's right that you're upset about it. It's just not fair to him. He already made the plans, and you already knew about them. You can't expect him to change them for you. He's coming to see you right before new years.

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